This season is drawing to a close...

I feel in my spirit that this season is a drawing to a close. Right now, I need to focus on getting healthy and getting my hormones regulated so that I can hopefully be medicine-free. This blog started out as tracking my weight loss, but I quickly lost the zeal after the first month. That will change.

I am retiring this blog for now. I will still have it, but I will not write on it. You can find me on Second Story Silhouettes. . I just really feel the reason why I haven't become pregnant is because God has something else for me now. Although I still desire a child with everything in me, I feel God has quenched that desire with this newfound purpose in my life, which is becoming clearer and clearer that we should go on an extended missions trip. I don't know how God is going to work all of this out, but I am excited to see what He has in store.

I thank you all that followed me through your own TTC journey. Those that encouraged me, your words will always mean so very much to me. And I WILL be back, and I'm claiming in the name of JESUS that I won't have to struggle nearly as much as I did this time. I am believing that God will bless me.

Not ovulating.

So, I forgot to mention in my last post that the dr. wanted me to get a blood test done the next day to make sure I am ovulating.

I got the call today and it appears that I have not ovulated for the month.
Which might explain why I was supposed to start my cycle, but haven't yet.

I was trying not to focus on being excited about being late, because I just knew that something like this would be the reason for it, not actual pregnancy.

*sigh*.

What is so wrong with ovulating? Why does my body hate it so?
So, I have an appointment scheduled for the 16th. I have no idea where we will go from here. I assume that in between now and that time, we will get the eval on Wesley. We're probably looking at an IUI, which actually after looking at the costs, wouldn't be very much by itself, but the ultrasound done to check my follicles is what really adds to the cost. In total it would be about $450-500, which isn't as bad as I originally thought, but isn't chump change either.

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My niece and I broke the wishbone this year. She got the longer end, but then gave it to me and said I could have it for my wish, since she knew that my wish was more important than hers. Kids pick up on things so easily. It was the sweetest thing. I kept the bone, like a sentimental sap.

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I am currently wondering if I'm at a crossroads. I'm starting to wonder if maybe God is having me not pregnant right now for a purpose. A bigger purpose. A purpose that would not be possible if I had a child.

I wish I had clarity when I prayed. I will admit, I'm a bit fickle, and I really need the direction of the Holy Spirit to be as clear as possible. Otherwise, I think I would chase down rabbit trails for the rest of my life. The problem is, it's been hard to really find direction for myself in this life. I follow the direction of what is expected, what is normal. But does that mean I feel led to do this? Not necessarily.

I will be talking about this more specifically in my other blog