Not ovulating.

So, I forgot to mention in my last post that the dr. wanted me to get a blood test done the next day to make sure I am ovulating.

I got the call today and it appears that I have not ovulated for the month.
Which might explain why I was supposed to start my cycle, but haven't yet.

I was trying not to focus on being excited about being late, because I just knew that something like this would be the reason for it, not actual pregnancy.

*sigh*.

What is so wrong with ovulating? Why does my body hate it so?
So, I have an appointment scheduled for the 16th. I have no idea where we will go from here. I assume that in between now and that time, we will get the eval on Wesley. We're probably looking at an IUI, which actually after looking at the costs, wouldn't be very much by itself, but the ultrasound done to check my follicles is what really adds to the cost. In total it would be about $450-500, which isn't as bad as I originally thought, but isn't chump change either.

***

My niece and I broke the wishbone this year. She got the longer end, but then gave it to me and said I could have it for my wish, since she knew that my wish was more important than hers. Kids pick up on things so easily. It was the sweetest thing. I kept the bone, like a sentimental sap.

***

I am currently wondering if I'm at a crossroads. I'm starting to wonder if maybe God is having me not pregnant right now for a purpose. A bigger purpose. A purpose that would not be possible if I had a child.

I wish I had clarity when I prayed. I will admit, I'm a bit fickle, and I really need the direction of the Holy Spirit to be as clear as possible. Otherwise, I think I would chase down rabbit trails for the rest of my life. The problem is, it's been hard to really find direction for myself in this life. I follow the direction of what is expected, what is normal. But does that mean I feel led to do this? Not necessarily.

I will be talking about this more specifically in my other blog