Update. And God is AWESOME.

Just a brief update on me.

I had my appointment with my ob/gyn today. I took a pregnancy test, and it was of course negative. I expressed to her my frustrations with not having a cycle since March, and not knowing where in the heck I am in ovulation and cycles due to bleeding for two weeks. She explained that bleeding in between periods is actually pretty common for PCOS because of the irregularity of the periods.

So, I have been placed on Provera to kick start my period. Yay!! I take it for ten days, and after the ten days is over, if it works, I will have a period. Finally!!! I haven't been this happy at the prospect of having a period since I was 11, lol.

Then, on day five of my period, I will begin taking Clomid!!! (!!!!!)
(I have provided links for both for you all that are curious) I am starting at 50 mg. My ob/gyn told me that the Jackson Clinic only likes to give Clomid in three month increments, so if no results are seen by the end of October or Early November (my first month on Clomid) then we will increase the mgs to 100. She told me that we don't want to waste time since I can only be on it for three months, and I definitely agree.

***

I know that God is the only one who can resolve my fertility issues, but it does make me more hopeful to know that A) I will have a period within the next month, making this next month an actual month to try to conceive successfully, and B) Clomid has SO many success stories.

God has been moving in my heart.

The other night, I felt this overwhelming need to get on my knees and just cry out to God with everything in me about what's going on with me. I have felt so depressed lately and completely defeated. So, I prayed, had a good cry, and then afterward, I felt another overwhelming need to read the Bible. I said a little prayer and flipped the Bible open to a random page, something I tend to do a lot when I feel lost and confused. The page landed in Song of Solomon, and I was definitely surprised. My eyes immediately went to a section in the middle of a verse, which is very unlike me because I always start reading from the beginning of the verse. Yet this time, I didn't. Here is the verse, and the first sentence my eyes went to is what is in bold:

Song of Solomon 6:6

Your teeth are like a flock of sheep
Which have come up from the washing;
Every one bears twins,
And none is barren among them.

I kid you not, the first sentence my eyes read was the sentence in bold. How awesome is that? I was in absolute awe of how specific the verse was. Now, I don't believe I'm going to have twins necessarily, but for the verse to say "NONE is barren among them"...I just felt God saying to me "you will NOT be barren. Trust me, daughter."

I then flipped the pages again and came to Matthew 9, which talks about many miracles Jesus bestowed, and what jumped out to me were these verses:

Matthew 9: 27-29
When Jesus departed from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out and saying "Son of David, have mercy on us!"
And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them
"Do you believe that I am able to do this?"
They said to Him "Yes, Lord."
Then He touched their eyes, saying
"According to your faith, let it be to you."

I just heard God saying to me "you have to believe in order to receive this miracle that I want to give you!" It humbled me and left me in complete and utter reverence.

I have not been believing in the power of God for a while. I'm not sure why. Perhaps part of it is that I have honestly been mad at God and angry with Him for making me wait. Yes, it is selfish and immature, but it is an honest emotion I have had, and still struggle with.

It is something that I am working through, and as always, I ask you to pray that I would be able to have faith in our wonderful God, who has a plan and timing for everything under the sun.