Why the new blog?

So, the obvious next step is to explain why on earth I created another blog.

Let me back track some.

Wesley and I have been fervently praying for awhile that God would reveal His plan for our future, at least, the immediate future. There were several options that we could go with:

1. grad school for me + leaving jackson
2. leaving jackson + grad school
3. staying in jackson + grad school (not really thought about)
4. leaving jackson-grad school
5. staying in jackson-grad school
6. Going across the country with Dusty and Darlene in 2010 or 2011

As you can see, these options are not the most workable, especially when you haven't a clue what in the heck you're supposed to do. I heard this message preached by someone in which they described that the "lamp unto our feet" thing that Jesus said was just that; a lamp would only light one step in front of the other. A lamp doesn't provide a view from here to Mississippi, in other words. I believe the reason why this has stuck with me for so long, when I've heard so many messages since then, is because God wanted to remind me that this was His plan for my life. This might make Wesley and I more flexible than most couples, because since God works in a way in which He doesn't provide us much of a picture for what is planned for the future, we are simply in a constant limbo of "waiting." Not cool for someone like me who likes to see what's in her future.

However, Wesley and I started recently praying, with the intention of actually BELIEVING that God would reveal plans to us.
The other day, Wesley got our answer.

Work had ended early for the day, and so Wesley took his Bible and drove to Union to watch the sunrise from one of the many benches on campus. He was facing the road near the entrance that has a patch of land across the road. He was silently praying and reading, waiting to hear from the Lord. He told me he remembered sitting there for a good while, just listening for God. Out of nowhere, he saw three deer, two adults and one baby, on the patch of grass. The baby was frolicking (cheesy word, but only way I can describe it based on what he told me) about, happy and care-free, and at one point, even jumped over its mother's back. He said it was one of the coolest sights he'd ever seen, and it confirmed in His heart what God told him at that moment.

We are to remain in Jackson through the birth of our first child.

Wesley wrote nearly two pages that just came to him as he sat there. A portion of this, which was actually written before he saw the family of deer, reads:

"Lord, I need direction to lead. I need a plan to follow. I need a vision to see and no money to borrow. I need provisions to provide a sense of urgency to subside with all the clarity of the sky, with no obstructions in my eye. I will wait on you. I will not step another step on my own accord unless you lead me to things I can afford."

Thirty minutes later, when he saw the deer, he wrote:

The young one is overjoyed as it jumps with glee over its mother's back and around the bend of the hill as the mother stands still, never swaying from her job at hand, eating from the land, the grass of the field, to the oncoming traffic, they yield a desire to cross the street, they are content to eat just where they are--not far from where I sit wondering if this is it. My sign from heaven. They are still there though I can hardly see what lies ahead for all three. Only time will show where they will go as they grow into what God only knows to be their destiny."

Now, anyone who knows me can probably figure out I am not exactly overjoyed at this. I even asked Wesley a couple of times after this if he was...sure. He has been very firm about it.



Let's couple this with what I've felt God telling me lately.
I feel like I will become pregnant sooner than these PCOS procedures will lead others to believe. I may be completely absorbed in wishful thinking, but ever since I was diagnosed with PCOS, I have had this amazing peace from God. I have felt God telling me more and more that I will become pregnant...well, soon. My goal is to try to get this 50 pounds of weight off first, but believe me, I will take whatever I can get, haha.

I have silently struggled through the conceiving process, and most people don't know that I actually joined a trying to conceive board back in February to help myself not go crazy. It actually caused me to become more crazy, and I had to cut down my involvement in it. What made it worse was that I became semi-close with three other ladies that were trying to conceive, and now they are all currently pregnant. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test once I stopped having my period in April, hoping, praying, obsessing about being pregnant. When I went to the Women's Clinic in May, half believing I was pregnant, I was devastated when the blood test came back negative. I was even more devastated with how the gynecologist handled my worries about my absence of a period. In July, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS, after much suspicion.

What surprised me the most was how I handled it. It wasn't this earth-shattering thing that I thought it would be. Instead, I felt the peace of the holy spirit wash over me. I hadn't felt His presence that strong in quite a while, and I knew that this was His plan. I then began hearing words of encouragement that I would indeed conceive, and that I only needed to "get myself healthy" for a baby.

God is God, and He certainly has the freedom to change the timetable of us conceiving, but right now, I don't feel it is too far down the road.

Also, while I was originally following the rabbit trail of Master's education, unless my dependent Veteran's benefits will pay past the age of 23, a Master's is not something for the immediate future. Wesley and I have a lot of school debt accumulated, and I couldn't realistically imagine us adding more to that at this point. Also, Wesley made a good point which aimed my goals toward a different direction: why would we focus immediately on my master's education, when we are planning on having children soon, and we plan to have me stay at home with the kids? Also, in my planning for my master's education, I never once actually asked Wesley what he thought.

[I'm definitely still getting the hang of this marriage thing.]

So, that is where we are at this point in our lives. Please pray for us, that God will continue to speak as strongly to us as He has recently. We need His voice ever-present in our ears, or we risk trying to take over everything with our own desires.

Now, back to the question: why the new blog?

This blog is going to chronicle my journey through PCOS, infertility, and weight loss. It is also putting the fact out in the open that as of right now...Wesley and I are definitely TRYING TO CONCEIVE! It will begin loosely. The methods will kick up a notch the more weight I lose, as I know that a pregnancy is easier the smaller you are.
So, there you are.

Stick around. This is going to get interesting....